Thursday, December 16, 2010


... in January. Some time.


The letter informing me the transport of Molson's Vats of Infamy would be delayed never came. The notice at Challenger said postponed until further notice. But no fool I, I check the Challenger site daily. I expected a return to this bother. I predicted Christmas Eve as somehow appropriate from these Grinches.

I wasn't far wrong.

Two days ago, Challenger's site warned of the impending movement of the Vats of Infamy starting tomorrow (Friday Dec. 17th). The procession will reach my backyard, resulting in power loss sometime over the next few days, likely Sunday night. I'm guestimating because the #(*$#)(*& at Hydro One won't tell me what their highly-educated Engineers say. Deeper into the throes of winter than we have been in some while, this news is as welcome as a Molson's beverage ever will be in this home. I don't drink the stuff, but, of course, I occasionally like to have refreshments on hand for that rare occasion when I welcome visitors in my home. Ah, Molson's ain't gonna happen. Ever again. Ever. But I digress.

The real interesting sideline take on all this is the magnificent job my local Hydro One company has done on my behalf. Beside bending over for Molson's (graphical image completely intended), Hydro One has completely and utterly futzed up in their duties to me, the customer (there are, reportedly others). I only know about the restart of the Parade for the Powerless because I am paranoid and keep checking a site daily that has NOTHING TO DO with me and my life. The moron (I direct you, once again, to Cyril Kornbluth's famed short story) who is in charge of public information for Hydro One has once again deemed it likely a fortune-teller would magically inform all who are about to be affected by this Poopy Procession that they are about to get seriously cold and probably without Sunday Night Football. The idea others might want to know they are about to go cold turkey hasn't ocurred to him at all.

I'm sure I will see some recompense in the bill. That's the kind of hysteric idiocy some people say when sick and about to get cold. Guilty on both accounts. Did I mention I have been suffering the ravages of my own cooking over the last few days?

A plague on every house involved in this. No, not the houses of my fellow victims. But a Scrooge-like wish for schadenfreude to be visited upon all the $(*@%& who deemed this to be a good idea.

Monday, December 06, 2010


Molson's, the fine people who own the greatest hockey team in the world, the Montreal Canadiens, have never made a dime off me. I don't drink alcohol. But if I did, then Molson's would never see another dime from me again. Ever. And I'm seriously re-considering my patronage of Les Habitants.

Some night this week, no one who knows is fessing up, Molson's has arranged with Hydro One Brampton to turn off my power. For three, maybe four hours. Just as winter's fury has hit this town. Why? So Molson's can move some big vats from the port of Hamilton down through several municipalities, including my own, to its plant in Etobicoke. They will be coming right down the street that runs along my backyard. Between 9 pm and 6 am. You know, prime time or the coldest time of the night. Or both. Some night. This week.

The original letter from the world class do-nothing PR perp at HOB cited tonight, tomorrow night or the night after. That's right, a no better chance than one in three of guessing which night. As to when on what night? No information given. There are a couple of phone numbers, but the one for Molson's goes immediately to an answer box at the cartage company. Any bets I hear from either Molson OR Challenger Motor Freight? Yeah, didn't think so.

So I called HOB and played "I will transfer you now...." volleyball three times before getting to the original letter writer, who then informed me the whole thing's been delayed a day. Later in the conversation, he opined it might be TWO bleepin' days later. So, in essence, some time this week ... but not tonight.

I asked him to put up a web-page with up-to-date information as to when I will be victimized (there's no compensation for the lost heating, lost power for my computers, etc.). He referred me to the ROUTE map page from the cartage company. We talked across purposes for another couple of minutes. He's sending out a new letter alerting us, the too-poor few to have the route bypass their houses, that everything's been pushed back due to today's inclement weather. He thinks he's doing his job. He's not, but he just doesn't understand that, because, after all, HE DOESN'T LIVE IN THE AFFECTED AREA.

It's times like this that I have to remember that, other than ranting here, there isn't a bleepin' bleepin' bleepin' thing I can do about this. Come some hour some night this week, or maybe next, my UPS's will start blaring away. Maybe it intrudes on the last few minutes of a close basketball game. Maybe it starts JUST AFTER I turn off the lights and start to go to sleep. Regardless of when, my nice warm 72 degrees in the shade all year round house, will start to cool off immediately. "Put on socks, throw another blanket on the bed and tough it out. You're Canadian."

It's easy to inconvenience others and slide on by with a less than heart-felt 'Sorry.' Christmas cheer? No, idiots only have Christmas jeer.

Speaking of idiots, the folks behind this farce might not be the biggest idiots I ran afoul of this week. I haven't been out and driving much these days, but I did so a couple of nights ago. Coming down Bramalea Road towards where I lived, I missed my normal turnoff on Alexandria Gate. There suddenly wasn't any street light denoting where it was and I drove PAST it. So, instead of turning left and then hanging an immediate right onto Autumn Blvd., I kept on going. I had to make the NEXT left hand turn and then LEFT back onto Autumn and come back to my house. Remember, my house backs onto Bramalea Road.

So some common-sense deprived planner decided to get rid of the landmarking street light. Okay. But the idiot had some rationale for the decision. You see, they've installed a new traffic light some 200 feet down Bramalea Road. In fact, this new traffic light is almost right in the middle between the two left-hand turn possibilities. That's right, no T-intersection. No intersection at all. No houses to the right, just a big park expanse with NO FOOTPATHS leading up to Bramalea Road anywhere near these new lights. To the left, just backyards as far as you can see. And there is no path leading FROM Autumn Blvd. to Bramalea between any two of the houses. They are packed together like sardine cans.

This is truly the traffic light to nowhere. There's nowhere to turn, save to turn around. And you don't exactly need a traffic light for that. Put at either of the adjacent T intersections, the lights would be useful and maybe even used. Emplaced in the middle of nowhere by the same bright lights who REMOVED the bleepin' street light, well it makes me wonder if we haven't met the future. The one outlined in Cyril Kornbluth's classic "The Marching Morons."

I have lived long enough to see the future. And the idiots are in charge.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

LIFE: The 2010 Christmas Tree Ceremony

I yet live! Oops, that was John Carter of Mars. But it still applies to me. Survived a Wednesday with evil intentions. Capped it with the yearly raising of the Christmas Tree from basement darkness to a prominent place in the living room. All the work, save one last bit, done by the girls from the Movie Mob.

Angela and Megan did the deed this year, adding their yearly ornaments. Angela went for Snoopy, after teasing/threatening me with a Jonas Brothers ornament. Guess she heard she's getting something pretty good at the end of the month. Megan went a little closer to classical with Tinkerbell.

The girls got the tree up in record time and set me up to top the tree with the angel. This has been a laugh-inducing process in the past. And at least once I came close to killing myself by falling off a chair and landing less than an inch away from splitting my noggin like a melon on the corner of the closet across the living room and into the foyer. This year? Piece of cake. First time. For the first time. I felt like running out and buying lottery tickets. I cheated of course, using an extensible claw. But it's the result that counts, right?
The pictures below are lousy quality but are pictures of two girls with big hearts. Thanks to both Angela on the left and Megan on the right!