Saturday, June 23, 2018

Is It Too Late to Publish my Top 25 TV shows of 2017?

The answer is probably yes. Which I plan to ignore and put the list here.

No extended discussion as to the why's and how comes? I'm hoping to turn this annual (I'm LESS than a year late with this) write (sic) of passage into an eBook called "One Man's Guide to Binge-Watching TV: The Lifetime Edition." I plan to 'scoop' myself by releasing the list annually on my birthday. And that will continue next month with the 2018 edition. Check out Amazon in about five months to see IF I succeeded. After that, the book will be updated on my birthday and then the release here later in July of just the list. But here's the 2017 list, at least.

TOP 25 or close enough

  1. British TV Game Shows with scoring rules too complicated for me to figure out UK
    • QI
    • Duck Quacks Don't Echo
    • 8 of 10 Cats Countdown
    • Would I Lie to You
    • Big Fat Quiz 
    • Room 101
  2. Our Ex Wife UK
  3. Snatch UK
  4. Marvel's Luke Cage
  5. Amazing Hotels Life Beyond the Lobby UK
  6. Talk Shows with foreign-born hosts
    • Last Week Tonight with John Oliver 
    • Full Frontal with Samantha Bee 
    • The Daily Show with Trevor Noah 
    • The Jim Jefferies Show
    • The Last Leg with Adam Hills UK
  7. Brockmire
  8. Orphan Back CDN
  9. Spies in the Wild UK
  10. The Good Place
  11. Bosch
  12. Gotham
  13. Madame Secretary
  14. Pain, Pus & Poison The Search for Modern Medicines UK
  15. Superior Donuts
  16. Good Girls Revolt
  17. Sweet Vicious
  18. Dark Matter
  19. Marvel's Agents of SHIELD
  20. Sneaky Pete
  21. Startup
  22. Truth & Iliza
  23. Stitchers
  24. Tarzan and Jane tie Star Wars Rebels
  25. Designated Survivor
  26. Tyrant
  27. Newton's Law AU
  28. GLOW
  29. Girl Meets World
  30. Quarry
  31. The Last Ship
  32. Queen of the South
  33. DC Comics
    • Lucifer
    • Supergirl
    • Flash
    • Arrow
  34. White Gold UK
  35. Shark Tank US/AU
  36. Not Going Out UK
  37. Killljoys CDN
  38. The Night Shift
  39. Travelers
  40. Adam Ruins Everything
  41. Incorporated
  42. Real Time with Bill Maher
  43. Hack My Life
  44. The Secret Life of the Zoo UK tie The Zoo US

HONOURABLE MENTION

  1. Japanology JPN
  2. Chance UK
  3. Salvation CDN
  4. Rosewood
  5. I Love Dick
  6. Ideas, ideas, ideas ... TV shows that might have been genius
    • Pure Genius
    • APB
  7. Private Eyes CDN

GUILTY PLEASURES

  1. Anthony Bourdain - Parts Unknown (A truly tragic story)
  2. Toronto TFC (for Sebastian Giovinco) CDN
  3. Vanessa Gianfrancisco  on One World Kitchen CDN
  4. Downward Dog for the dog animation despite the horrible everything else
  5. Aisha Dee on The Bold Type
  6. The Catch (It's a caper show, 'nuff said ... here)

WORST

  1. CNN
  2. Gap Year
  3. Kevin Can Wait
  4. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  5. Kim's Convenience
  6. MacGyver
  7. I Live With Models
  8. The Odd Couple
  9. Taken

DISAPPOINTING

  1. Time travel TV
    • Timeless
    • Frequency
  2. Notorious (how could you screw up having Piper Perabo)
  3. Westworld
  4. You Me Her (after a decent first season)
  5. Riverdale
  6. Powerless
  7. The Good Fight
  8. Imaginary Mary
(If you're counting, I think that's 78 good mentions to 17 not good mentions ... for a top 25 list)

Heinz Ketchup, Canada and Comrade Donald

I skipped publishing 2017's Top 25 (or so) TV shows last year because I got to the Worst of the Worst and ended up writing 1500+ words on CNN's aiding of the election of the UnGreat Pumpkin, his worst self. I was enraged that the TV channel had abrogated its journalistic responsibilities for the (easy) good ratings letting that overgrown Enfant terrible spout lie after lie, virtually unchallenged so as to ensure he would appear on the channel. Don Lemon, a guy I like and who I think IS a good journalist, didn't come to Jesus until it was too late. He lambasts President Small Hands regularly and doesn't let lies go unchallenged... now. 18 months too late. He wasn't the only CNN journalist to do this, just the one I was most disappointed in. Sigh, I'm stressing myself again just typing about it.

Thanks to CNN and the depressed Midwesterners reaching out for any lifeline in the absence of the belief in the Democrat promises, voters formed the opinion that a vote for Doofus J. Terrible was a case of "What have you got to lose?" Turns out, the American soul.

And moderately priced Heinz Ketchup here in Canada.

The Blithering Idiot-in-Chief has started a trade war. Reasonable to a certain extent if that war had been with China. But that was only Act II. First, he had to shove it up the backsides of the countries that have historically been American allies. You know, the GOOD guys, the neighbours boasting the world's longest undefended border, the folks that died in large numbers so that American soldiers could take Berlin eight decades ago. We've been the polite wingman, consumers of American media and goods and services. And that Tub-o-Turd has fouled this neat agreement amongst gentlemen and gentlewomen. It has been assumed that the Democrats will de-fang The Monster come November and then sweep him out with the rest of the garbage he institutionalized in his not-so-brief four years of Caligula/Nero-like rule from his bully pulpit.

But what if the damage he does is harder to overturn simply with Presidential fiat to sign orders decreeing the country forget everything the dog-whistling Racist has done to the country. One which I truly love, down to the single woman I've ever tried to complete a life with. I wonder if "Oops, we won't do that again," will be good enough for the rest of the world. Ask Germany how long international memories are. What if the Autocrat-In-Wanting won't leave? Bill Maher keeps reminding us he saw a victory for the Orangutan Look-A-Like and that he is increasingly alarmed at the idea that we might have an Emperor (with no clues) in the making. Hopefully, his Delphic Oracle impression is wrong. For the world's sake.

There will be a swell in Canada to stop buying made-in-the-US Ketchup ... really Heinz Ketchup. The tit-for-tat tariff Canada attaches to Ketchup in July to respond in part to this cowardly stabbing in the back trade war The Filibustering Fool started, will prompt MANY Canadians to look at the price of buying USA. Boycotting Heinz.

But not me. I consider the stuff ambrosia, the gift of the gods. I am addicted to the stuff. I eat a LOT of it. I have type II Diabetes. Those two things are not unrelated. Like most addicts, I have no control over how I spend my money. I MUST have Heinz Ketchup. Simple as that.

YOU LYING SACK OF BOVINE EXCREMENT, YOU'VE DRIVEN UP MY COST OF LIVING WITH YOUR CAPRICIOUS REMINDERS THAT YOU ARE AN IDIOT SAVANT, AN EXPERT AT BULLYING AND BARELY COHERENT AT ANY OTHER TIME. I HOPE YOU ....

Sigh, I'm Canadian. I'm not allowed to complete the rant. Civility demands I recognize my own failings and stop blaming others for those failings. I will continue to buy Heinz Ketchup. In quantities that drive my doctors to despair and my bankers to lower my credit score. But without saying it, you REALLY know I'm thinking it. And I hope whatever he chokes on is covered in the red stuff.

Heinz red stuff.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Mr. Bergevin, Line 1 is for You

I'd like to call Marc Bergevin and tell him  how to go about his business because his business has been hurting. And when the Montreal Canadiens hurt, so do I. Don't quite have the chutzpah though.

Bergevin has managed himself and his team into a corner. There's a lot of talk about taking advantage of the third pick in the draft because the Habs went through all kinds of unhappy to earn the pick. Just as they did the year they made Alexander Galchenyuk their solution for the future and for the past unhappiness of THAT season. Galchenyuk never realized the potential he showed in his first year and was shipped off to the Desert Gulag of Arizona in return for Max Domi, seen by many as Galchenyuk-lite. I actually think the swap works out well for Montreal. I think Domi's determination makes him a better end of a "New Start" trade. I like the worker over the artiste most times. And maybe Max CAN play centre. Or maybe not. The evidence that Jonathan Druin can seems even more ephemeral.

So here's the off-season advice for Bergevin to stumble upon as he strolls through blog after blog telling him ... well ... stuff! I'll be more compassionate. Although if he FAILS to do EXACTLY as I say, I will join the chorus to have his hide astride a pole somewhere in the depths of Hell. Or worse.

I do NOT stake my whole draft on a reach for a kid from Finland who won't be in Montral Blue, Blanc et Rouge for at LEAST another season. The ticking clock on the careers of Shea Weber and Carey Price simply won't permit that strategy. So, I reach out and let Paul Statsny know he can come home to his home province of Quebec. I'm hoping 5.5 for four years gets his signature on a free-agent contract. If it's six by four, so be it. I have my second-line centre, a defensively-responsible defender who scores. And that's just too rare in Montreal this decade. I also bring back Tomas Plekanec for a year-by-year contract arrangement. He'll play the fourth centre spot and can cover up a line or two for brief periods of time. And he is a Montreal lifer, despite doing hard time in Toronto post trade deadline in the spring. We'll ignore that blot on his record, as most Montrealers ignore Toronto anyways. I'd think 2.5 for the season would get him, but I'd still buy in at 3. And by doing that, some of the pain over the loss of Andrei Markov before last season might be repaired. Montreal SHOULD honour those that honour it.

Montreal still needs a bit more help on defence and I'd like to take a flyer on John Moores, a three-year 2.5M kind of guy who might add some scoring back to the back-line and he's sneaky tough too. So, we are talking 10.5M annually for the three, which is less than John Tavares will get. Of course, I'd TALK to Tavares, but I think he stays in Long Island with (probable) in-coming coach Barry Trotz and the Lou Lamoriello touch in the head office.

Which STILL leaves a considerable bit of payroll space and I use it all up PDQ with a three-team trade that I think works for all three teams. Naturally, it resolves most of Montreal's problems and DOES include a division-mate who might not want to help Montreal all that much, but the Habs DO have some candy to deal and relatively new GMs in rebuilding situations have been told ad nauseum that draft picks are the King's Gold of hockey assets. So, here it goes:

Montreal gets Ryan O'Reilly and Risto Routsalainen from Buffalo, along with a third rounder this year from Vancouver and a seventh rounder from Vancouver next year.

Vancouver gets that third pick in the first round from Montreal, as well as Montreal's sixth rounder and Buffalo's seventh rounder next year.

Buffalo (the linchpin of course) gets Max Pacioretty from Montreal, Vancouver's first round pick this year (seventh overall) and the THREE BEST second round draft picks this year from Montreal (which starts with four).

Hmmmmm, the Habs get their first-line centre (or second, it's semantics, given Stastny) and a defenceman to add to the mix of bounce-back candidates, plus some lottery tickets. In losing the captain, Montreal takes on long term commitment of 12M a year, where as Pacioretty is on a sterling 4.5M for one more year. A net add-on of 7.5M. And with it, the remainder of the Habs' payroll. It also means Drouin is a winger. And so is Domi. And so is Brett Gallagher and Arturri Lehkonen and Paul Byron and Charles Hudon and Nicolas Deslauriers and Andrew Shaw. Phillip Danault gets the third-line centre spot. Not a great dozen, but one that makes sense in the NHL. Lots of speed, maybe a lack of proven goal-scoring. But a decent dozen. There's a BIT of disaster insurance in Laval, hopefully made better by new coaching. Can you imagine power plays with both Gallagher and Domi in front of the net?

As for defence, Ristolainen was highly thought of (just look at his contract) as recently as two years ago. If the Habs are selling low on Pacioretty, so are the Sabres with Ristolainen. But not too low. Buffalo gets a boatload of picks to make after the kick off the draft Friday with Rasmus Dahlin. The club clears the way for Casey Mittelstadt to play second-line minutes behind Jack Eichel. They add leadership and a power-play asset in Pacioretty, paving the way for a potential contract extension if the two sides think it's a good fit. If not, they are saving maybe lost dollars for Ristolainen and awkward dollars for O'Reilly. And the larders will be freshly filled with second-rounders plus that pick six picks after Dahlen and likely to be another defenceman. I think this makes enough sense for Buffalo to trade two roster players for one and to trade intra-division.

Vancouver now moves up and can draft the last of the B level players. Dahlin is alone in the A class this year, but the B class isn't much bigger with just the two players, Andrei Svechnikov and Filip Zadina. Both seem gilt-edged. Now Vancouver will be able to claim one or the other. Not that having a pick from the next six or so would be unpleasant. In fact, I wanted Montreal to take winger Brady Tkachuk third, before hatching this trade and sign plan. But all of the six next best players have some doubts attached to their game. Adding two lottery tickets AND moving up into guaranteed slotting seems a good price to pay for their own pick at seven and a third this year, plus that seventh round swap next year.

This is a trade with legs. It has to be paired with the free agent signings. But if Bergevin wants to keep his job, something similar to this has to be done. Or else the trident is at hand.