Wednesday, October 05, 2011

LIFE: Free From The Twin Scourges

A LOT of money has been spent in the last couple of months on the political campaigns that culminate in the Ontario provincial elections today. How do I know? 'Cuz those $%(*$%)*($%& politicians employed every $%*(&_%*& political polling company around to call and harass me repeatedly over the last month. And the election this week ends that. I return myself to blissful, peaceful silence, free from the constant ringing created by automated dialing systems.

Honestly. I hate politicians in general. I have never met one that made my heart sing, even legendary Hazel McCallion, the long-time major of Mississauga, just down the road. Met Hazel at the hockey rink at a Brampton Canadettes Hockey Tournament (Largest woman's hockey tournament in the world and has been for decades). She impressed me a bit. Just to the point of not wanting to dump my drink over her. But aside from Hazel, nada. There's politicians I never met that I respect. I could list both here, but why bother? I'd rather spend time with a used car salesman.

Now, if there is something lower on the evolutionary scale that a politician, it's probably a political polling worker. Yes, I know people got to eat. And telephone sales jobs (the everyday version of the poll caller) are the job of last resort. But there's a certain stupidity to political pollers that merit special contempt.

IF I hang up on you as soon as the word 'political' comes up in conversation and I do exactly the same thing the second time, what are the odds you're going to succeed the third time? Zero. Less than zero? On Sunday, I hung up on the same cretin FIVE times. And don't even get me started on the totally automated phone interruptions of my life.

And reserve a special place in hell for the current holder of my riding's seat in provincial parliament, he of the access to the 000-0000 telephone number from my area code. It's a number I cannot block with my phone's call-blocking feature. If I try to block the specific ten-digit number, my otherwise great phones block ALL phone calls. And he knows that. And he called THREE %*$&$_*%&_)$% times to THANK me for my support. Cretin. And, oh by the way, I didn't vote for you last time and I won't be voting for you today. 

I should also point out that I DID participate in an Angus Reid poll the same day. I've done them semi-regularly for years. I was told eight minutes and the poll took eight minutes. It discussed a wide range of topics (as wide as eight minutes allows) and when the inevitable three questions about politics were answered, "I decline to answer questions about my voting preferences," the pollster accepted the answer with equanimity and moved on. See, I do understand the differences between legitimate polling companies and scum-sucking ideological hacks bothering me for no good reason.

There's long been a saw about  "Kill all the lawyers," dating back to William Shakespeare and one of the Henry VI plays. Actually, the quote is "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." Well, good old Will had it wrong. Well before the lawyers, I have a whole different group of life-interfering %&$)&$^&(# to do away with first.

Any guesses?

Well, it all ends in the next few hours. One group of incoming cretins will replace the outgoing group of idiots. The Marching Moron Society continues to wind it's way inexorably towards the future. But, at least for the next little while, it will be a little more peaceful.

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