LIFE: The Snow's ALL My Fault

Yep, I caused the snow to fall in record amounts in Toronto this year.

What's that? Messianic delusions? Nope. Plain ol' economics.

See, I've been paying for snow removal in advance for most of the last decade. I financed most of Nigel Jokhu's college education for the ability to not have to even look out the window. I knew the driveway would be shoveled free of the white stuff before I arose in the late hours of the morning. I also knew he farmed out the job to his family on more than one occasion. None of my business how he went about HIS business. I was only interested in results.

Over the years, the numbers on the October 1st cheque got larger and larger. Since the service was largely perfect, I didn't mind the pay raises. But the snow stopped falling despite the yearly increases and there was a point where I figured I was paying several HUNDRED dollars per snow removal. At that point, I decided to reconsider the whole plan.

I mean, it had gotten so ridiculous two years ago, that I distinctly remember him driving by my snowless landscape and grinning, knowing it was unlikely he had any early-morning work ahead of him for another week or so, if that. Wasn't his fault I was over-paying. He just accepted the cheque with thanks and did what I asked of him. Global warming was chilling the relationship.

So, last year, I asked Nigel to take a paycut. Gave him a day to think about it. He accepted with good humour. The payrate became more equitable, but frankly he still made about as much for an hour of actual work, as I make as a computer programmer.

This past spring, I told Nigel it was time to get on with his life. I wouldn't be employing him as my external facilities manager any more. Despite my grievances over pay for no play, the fact is that I knew that whenever I HAD needed him to do the work, he'd done it quickly, efficiently and without complaint. He had also, on occasion, re-arranged his life to accomplish that. It was approaching time that he'd leave his family and move on. I just pushed a little earlier.

I was going to save even MORE money by going to the old Per-snowfall scheme that had worked prior to Nigel getting old enough to take on the work and responsibility of shoveling snow for me. I arranged for Patrick's son, A.J. to become the guy. And I'd pay for it on an as-needed basis.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, were sown the seeds for this precipitous snowfall of the 2007-08 winter. That's right, I caused it. The largest amount since 1939. All my fault.

Yesterday, I opened negotiations to pay for it in advance for next year.

You're welcome.